In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
