Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
