So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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