She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
