When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
