you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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