Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Randomize
