If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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