dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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