You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
