Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Semen is not good for contacts.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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