Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
