OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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