Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
