her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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