hotel room ftw
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
