It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
