Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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