When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
