i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
