some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize