Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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