people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
