I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
