She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
did you just send me my own nude
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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