I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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