She just used a chaser for red wine.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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