"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
