Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
