just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize