I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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