fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
