i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
