I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
