I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
