You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
