she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
