Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
