i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize