thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Randomize
