I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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