Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
