No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
