Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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