I hate your face
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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