she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
