I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
