I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
