it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
ttyl tear gas
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
