I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize