I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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