Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
