Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
