We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
