brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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