I wish I could punch you in the face.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
