The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
