I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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