Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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