and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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