Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
