Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
