We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
