im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
How does it feel to date your dad?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
