capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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