Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
