To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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