I have demons in me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
