I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
