Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
im having a threesome with these popsicles
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
