She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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