They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
